"Different" in the way we think, the way we dress, the way we act.
The natural progression of society has always seen this pattern, the aggressive, rapid movement from one "time" to another. The way in which the world works forces change in people, compare your life to that of somebody living in Medieval times, or any other era that springs to mind.
However, i believe we live in a world that has progressed incalculably even since my parents' youth. The world has not simply changed, it has revolutionised.
I will give you some small examples...
Last week i was discussing with my father about his childhood and the things that he had that i simply didn't. One of the clearest differences to me was the difference in freedom. My father would explore his local town pretty much as soon as he could run. From the age of around six, my father was given freedom to go to the park, ride his little bike, visit his friends, go to the sweet shop etc. At six years old, my father would not let me out of his sight. Maybe in the front garden with the local kids or a quick trip to the shops with older children that he trusted, but NEVER was i allowed to run free at that age. This continued all through my childhood... i was finally allowed to get the bus into the city alone when i turned 12, and even then i had to let him know exactly when i would be back and who i was with. It's baffling to think of the change in parenting in a matter of thirty years.
Lets proceed to think about my younger siblings who are 2, 3 and 5 years apart from me. A tiny gap. My sisters were allowed freedom that i was not (even though my father has always admitted me to be the best behaved and most trustworthy). My sisters caught buses when they were 10, met up with friends in the nearest town, went swimming etc. Now, as they grow into teenagers it is even more amazing to see the change in parenting. I was not allowed a boyfriend in the house until i turned sixteen (and even then my father was a hawk) whereas my sisters were allowed boys over from the age of 14. It may seem like these are small examples that don't really prove anything outside of my own household, i disagree.
I have seen an alarming amount of similar cases in other houses. My best friend's younger brother is allowed to roam the streets with his friends at 13, she would have never been allowed, and probably punished for even asking. My boyfriend's younger brother was allowed to smoke in the house at 14, my boyfriend was reluctantly allowed at 16. His younger brother was also allowed girls in his bedroom at 13, something that his mother was fiercely against until we turned 16. His brother often uses the same line to defend why his parents have "changed the rules" so significantly -"Things change".
What i would like to ask is: have times really changed that dramatically? Or are we simply watching the youngest children of my generation being raised with a much lazier attitude?
Are parents simply sick of laying down the same strict rules on their second, third or even fourth child?
I am not a parent, so my opinion is strictly that of an adult who has seen unfairness between me and my siblings all through my childhood. I cannot tell you what parents think, other than what i have directly heard.
In all three examples i have given of local families, mine, my boyfriend's and my friend's, the youngest or middle child is "the naughty one". My sister, the third child has always rebelled against my father, whereas the youngest has always been close to me. I believe that my father simply got sick of trying to lay down the law when it came to the second and third child. They have always been given different rules, my brother was allowed out late simply because "he's a boy" and my sister got away with murder because my dad simply wanted to avoid the "hassle". I can understand my fathers reasons, but in my eyes, they simply weren't good enough to excuse my sibling's misbehavior.
My boyfriend's brother and friend's brother's parents are both guilty of the same line- "he will grow out of it".
In both cases, this belief has not been true, in fact, they have become worse as they have grown, and eventually causing their parents to ask themselves "what have i done wrong?". Well, the truth is going to hurt. The thing you did wrong was that you didn't discipline them. Both of these boys were given "golden boy" status and often given much more slack then the older children. Both sets of parents echo the same thing now - "He's changing"- but no change has really been seen. It seems to be a kind of defense mechanism to stop themselves confronting the real issue, the lack of discipline in earlier childhood.
I always say that i will never have different rules for different children, but i am sure that my father and many other parents said the same thing. I'm sure that life gets in the way. My argument is simply theoretical: children should all live by the same rules within one household, or the parent risk major sibling rivalry and bitterness. From personal experience, unfairness in the family home simply lays the groundwork for future issues that you may not be able to solve. Avoid the conflict, discipline your children equally. There is no perfect way to raise your children, just make sure that you don't become a hypocrite and if you do fuck up, admit it, and fix it while you can.
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